One particularly bright and sunny day in the brilliant country of Vacotopia, Retraso the cow was going for a leisurely walk. "Oh, what a bright and happy day it is! Perfectly suitable for Cattlesmas on December 25th! I sure do hope that this wonderful weather can hold up for three more days!" You see, Vacotopia is a fantastic place. It's sunny all year round, and it's populace is composed solely of cows. That, and bulls. Either way, it is a utopia, where all live in peace.

That is, until Huevomudo the bull came along... he was a bad egg from year one. At Mistress Pareeltraducir's Cow School for Boys, he was exploding dry ice bombs in the school microwaves. So pretty, so awesome, so fatal. As the cows in the cafeteria did not know what murder was, they disposed of Pareseriamente Eltraducir's body in the dumpster. Huevomudo, of course, knew what he did was wrong. Did that stop him? Did it dissuade him from putting the lives of others at stake? Nope. All the way through his education, he was a tyrant, putting other's lives on the line.

When Huevomudo grew up, he blew up Idioto Incorporated's office field. That time, though, he went too far. Retraso, who was a pimply faced teen at the time, escaped the carnage and began a mission to hunt Huevomudo down. He monitored spikes of activity in the cows' otherwise laid back lifestyle, and whenever he detected one, he ran as fast as his pudgy legs could carry him to the scene of the crime. After many, many, many failed attempts to catch Huevomudo, he finally found him at his secret lair in the peaceful province of Muerte. Buried under miles of rock, he was virtually undetectable, until Retraso found him with the help of archaic cow pat trickles. This time, he wasn't going to let Huevomudo get away.

Dropping stealthily into the basement corridor of Huevomudo's lair, he stalked the smell of wet, slimy cow poo until he located a room full of blinky lights and rainbows and ducks. "Wha?!", exclaimed Retraso. Huevomudo was about to.... jump out of a window? "IT'S TOO MUCH! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!", shrieked Huevomudo as he leaped through the hole in the wall. "But I wanted some kind of epic battle that ladies would like me for!", cried Retraso as he leaped out the window as well.

And for years later, Vacotopia was a peaceful country. Many, many years. Almost too many....

END OF CONSPIRACY
OR IS IT?